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Sunday, March 3, 2013

She is Getting Worst Everyday

I have been watching some videos of people with Dementia before writing this. Most of the videos I found are nice people whom missing memories. I don't know if no one really wanted to post videos of people in the bad mood or most of them never got angry.

A little background on what my family is dealing right now. My DH mother had been diagnose with cancer in the summer of 2012. Storm Sandy came and they lost their power and waited 3 days before coming to our house. That was when FIL told DH.

On 2011 the east coast also had a storm and they also lost their power and had to live with us until their power came back. That was then when MIL forgetting that she already have bread in the refrigerator.  She eats special bread whom she swears has no flour and very very good for human health.

So, one year past and FIL was told by the doctor that she is in the last stage of dementia. She can't follow conversation and she gets agitated very easy now. I mention to DH that every time she blink, there will be a new MIL.

A little background about her, from what I only gather from thirteen years knowing her. She likes to be a private person, however when she gets mad everyone will knew about it. A hoarder in nature, a tree lover, organic lover, herb & natural food lover and eat all kind of bad junk food when no one is looking.

A control freak  and always thinks the world revolve around here. Her children are not allowed in her bedroom, in their garage, and in the kitchen. A smoker until the late 80's. Distrust everyone, but you are more likely to be given something if you are a stranger because she thinks her children will take everything from her so, she rather give it away to someone she doesn't know to teach the children. Does not like her husband having a father relationship and being compassionate to their own children. She always comes first, if not the hell comes loose and she will never forgive her husband for treating her as second. And a social butterfly.

From September 2012 until mid January 2013, FIL was able to control her. However, when she gets into memory failed, she cannot recognize anyone. Even photograph had no help, however a new face inside the house works very well. She cannot remember anything but still remember people in our house and if you go out and come in again, it's not the same as new face coming inside the house.

Now, we are in the phase, that every time she blinks she doesn't know anyone and become very grumpy. On Thursday they went back to their house to get more of her stuff (did I mention their nice size bedroom here in my house is almost pack). DH and our only nephew went in a separate vehicle. FIL and MIL came home first because they left first and the others usually are left behind to clean up the things it needed to be thrown out, and MIL can never be parted with them if she was around and seeing the whole process. Not to mention two strangers (strangers because she can't remember who they are) throwing her junk out.

They got home had a late lunch and took a nap. From what I remember she woke up while FIL was on the phone. She started walking back and forth looking confused and mad. Looking outside the window and door. I was just ignoring her because talking to her will only get me yelled at, by her. After a while, I think she could not take it any longer. She asked me where her husband while I was going down to the basement. I looked at her and smiled and continue my descend. And she asked why I am smiling.

I was relieved she did not followed me down. I came back up carrying some folded towel and I was putting it away in the linen closet and she followed me telling me that she doesn't know where her husband is, and there is an old man in her bedroom bad mouthing her to the police. I looked at her funny and did not say anything.

I think FIL was very tired driving three hours and helping her trying to decide what to take with her back in our house, and he doesn't want to deal with her nuttiness. He let her be that way for a few hours. I showed her their dating picture and asked if she knew who are in the picture, she knew. I asked if the people in the picture still look the same, and she said no, that they are older now. However, she cannot remember her husband is also old and his looks change. I think she was still stuck on what he looks in the picture.

She kept saying that is not my husband. He can't do this to me. I asked what did he do to you, which she cannot say anything because in real life, he hasn't done anything.

I think she was dreaming of policemen and she thought that FIL is conspiring with them about her. Or she got mad because FIL did not pay attention to her when she woke up because he was talking on the phone. Remember "always the first" and "the world revolve around her?" Like a spoiled brat.

Her daughter called up, and spoke to her but nothing was change. She was still grumpy as ever. She asked me again about her husband and I told her this time that the old man in the back bedroom is indeed her husband. She still refuses to trust me, and kept on bad mouthing FIL. I left her and walk around the house while holding my ears.

Finally, she went to the bedroom and asked FIL, and of course told her he is her husband, and the argument started. Why did you do this me, I was looking for you for a long time and you never said anything. (remember I said, maybe he was tired and don't want to deal with her at that moment) Why are you talking about me to other people (maybe because he was on the phone at one time) and calling the police on me (which by the way no police was called this time because she did not try throwing us out of the house). She kept on repeating "how can you do this to me." And very mad at this point.

I went outside to empty the sap from the maple tree thinking maybe she will stop when I get back because she may not remember that I live here and I am a new face. Anyway, by the time I got back inside the house, SIL was already inside (she lives about 45 minutes away depending on traffic), and this old MIL is so nice and cherry. I was glad she forgotten being mad to FIL already. She introduced her daughter with stutter pointing to me as her daughter and to her daughter as daughter in-law, SIL corrected her.

SIL and I were talking about the PSSA and she chimed in, "oh wow small world, you knew each other?" Like a said before, in a blink of an eye, you never knew who you gonna get.

DH and nephew finally got home, carrying her chest to their bedroom. When they came out, MIL asked if DH will be staying for the night, and asked if he needed pillows and blankets. DH, being naturally good at heart nicely decline saying, "no thank you, I got everything I needed."

Anyway, the point is; she is very nice sometimes and very nasty sometimes. And the videos I saw put MIL to shame, maybe because she was always been nasty? You tell me.



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Mrs. Cheers, Keystone USA

"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations. I have a continuing program of research (What mother doesn't?) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (the whole darned family) and already have five credits (four sons & one daughter, 1 in college, 4 are being educated @ home ). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?), and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers, and the rewards are more of a satisfaction than just money."


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